When we are suffering from a broken heart we need to recognize that much like the passing of a very cherished loved one, this process is much like death. Death to the cherished connection you once had with your beloved. This connection is no longer in this realm. To move forward the first step is to acknowledge this and grieve the love that has been lost. The subtle moments of connection and bliss should be honored through tears of loss and joy. Releasing all that the relationship was and all that you hoped it could be. Yes, you are grieving the loss of a relationship of love much like you would grieve the loss of a person you love.

You are tasked with letting it flow through you so that you can move on. During this first step, you are going to face many facets of your loss that will be confusing at times. This may cause you to miss the person more or try to hold on to something that isn’t meant to be. Just know that this is part of the process and it too will pass. Call on your healthy ancestors and spirit guides, angels to help you through the darkest moments. They are waiting for you to ask them to help you heal this broken heart. 

Check out my guide on How to Build an Alter for ways to build a connection with your spirit guides and ancestors.

I just want to hug you for making it this far. Yes, it can feel unbearable but it will pass and you will be on your way to possibilities you can’t even imagine right now. In your darkest hour of a broken heart and loss just keep your faith that this is not your new normal. THIS TOO SHALL PASS! You will be a better and stronger person on the other side. If you find that you need support, you can always reach out to me and I will be there for you. 

This one is hard, but not impossible. If your goal is to move on and heal your heart and soul, you must create boundaries for yourself and your mental health. No more phone calls, coffee, dropping by or following your ex on social media. By this I mean you have to stop following your ex on ALL social media. Why, because you will never cut the cords of attachment when they consistently appear in your feed or stories. I know, I know. You want to keep tabs or see the face you fell in love with, but to truly move past the energetic connection, you have to cut it off in your daily life. This will allow you to create space in your life for other things that bring you joy and excitement. It allows you to pursue new ideas, plans, hopes, dreams, and define a new path. All of this can best be done when there is zero contact. Trust me – it will make it easier for you to move forward in your life with the least amount of resistance.

We are all connected and even more so when we have shared a romantic connection. It’s almost like an energetic entanglement. When you are ready to do so, you can conduct your cord-cutting ceremony. You can do this by simply creating a space in your bedroom or home. Start by burning sage to create a protected space. Call in your guides, angels, healthy ancestors for protection.

Set the intention for the ceremony by saying: Today I am cutting the cords of attachment to “insert name.” Then repeat these phrases for as long as you need. 

• By cutting these cords, I am calling back my power and giving back any power that I may have taken along the way.
• I am cutting the cords of connection to “insert name” so that we will no longer linger in each others energy.
• I am cutting the cords of “insert name” so that I can move forward freely and effortlessly.
• I am cutting the energetic cords of connection with “insert name” and so it is.

Each time you state out loud that you are cutting the cords, you will use a sharp pair of scissors to cut an invisible cord in front of you. Use your intuition to guide you. Where on your body do you feel the cord is connected. Go there and speak it out loud as you cut the cord. Visualize this cord once cut is automatically called back to its rightful owner. Yours to you and theirs to them. Once you feel you have cut all or most of the cords, you can close out the ceremony by burning sage and thanking your guides, angels, and healthy ancestors for coming forward for your cutting cord ceremony. Then close by simply saying “I am closing this sacred space all are free to go.”

Congrats, you’ve made it to step four. You’ve leveled up! Now is the part that is all about you. Go inside of who you are at your core and explore what it was about you that was so tied up in this connection. If your connection was a toxic one, why did you hang on? What need was being fulfilled or were you trying to get fulfilled. If this was a draining connection, what kept you on the hook and why? What did you put aside to meet the needs of yourself that you knew no other way of fulfilling? This is the foundation for the next step in healing a broken heart, so take your time and go deep. What need was this giving to? What did I sacrifice and why? What was I missing in myself to put myself in this position? What should I have done to avoid this in the first place? What patterns are repeating across my relationships and connections? Once you have answers to these questions you are ready to start addressing them. If you need help in this step of the process, let me know. I can guide you through a retrieval session that will help you find the answers you need. 

The number one act of self-accountability is healing. You’ve done the work of identifying the wounds and traumas that you carry with you (don’t worry, we all carry them) and now you are better able to deal with them. Some people call this shadow work, some call it therapy, regardless, this is your time to sink all of your energy into yourself. Start by journaling to your past self. Can you give your wounded child or teen forgiveness and comfort? If so, write it down. Much like you write a letter you can journal to your past self to give comfort, forgiveness, and protection. Seek out the help of a professional therapist or energy healer to help you work through these wounds and release what can be released. I work daily with people to sort out childhood traumas, reclaim missing pieces of themselves and step into a more balanced and grounded version of themselves. By doing the work on yourself, you are opening up a world of healthy possibilities. A world of equal give and take of energy exchanges. That is where we start to be seen for who we are. That is where we start to find peace, joy, and balance. That is where we find truth and abundance. 

Develop a new view of life and your world by focusing your energy on what brings you joy and happiness. Romantic love gets in the way. No one ever wants to tell you that, but it does. It gets in the way of development, goals, growth, healing. I’m not saying romantic love is never a good idea but there is the best time and place for it and that is after you have tuned into your needs, your trauma, and your patterns, not to mention your personal and professional goals. In my case, I was able to peel back the layers of who I am and see that I was using relationships almost like a salve on a wound that wouldn’t fully heal. It was a way for me to take all my energy and attention away from the fact that I was abandoned at birth and still had unresolved turmoil inside myself about that. I was using relationships to soothe and correct the past abandonment experiences of my earlier life. It wasn’t healthy and it took my focus away from truly allowing this specific trauma to flow through me so that it could be resolved and I could reclaim my balance. Not only reclaim my balance but also what truly brings me peace. I used to bead and make jewelry, I loved it! It brought me so much tranquility, but along the way, I lost it. I also put aside my dreams of pursuing my passions. Now I am a business owner.

Now you get the chance to ask yourself, what am I passionate about? What did I love that fell away while I was focused outside of myself? 

Go after what brings you joy and makes you feel like being alive! Travel more, make more plans with friends, reconnect with old friends, sell what you love to make, open a business, go back to school. Learn, grow, become! This is your chance, your opportunity to do what brings you the ultimate in fulfillment. 

Spoiler alert: it’s not a relationship. GO GET IT!